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Non-Christian Spirituality and Loss
A few weeks ago my mother-in-law passed away.
In Western (American) society funerals are conducted a certain way (for the most part.) A portion of that funeral is to have someone who represents your faith speak at your funeral. If you’re Catholic – a priest says some words. If you’re Baptist a preacher says some things. This includes prayer and in some cases song.
I have never been a Christian church-goer. That is, to say, I have never been part of a church. My immediate family has also never been part of a church of any denomination However, when it came time to say the Lord’s Prayer or sing all the verses of Amazing Grace – I knew all the words.
The preacher and other family members would say things like “God bless you.” and I would return the sentiment. My husband was a bit astounded by me shaking the preacher’s hand and saying “God bless you” and giving him an ‘offering’ for speaking at the services.
But honey, you’re Pagan.
So?
Just because I am Pagan doesn’t mean I don’t believe in God. I do believe in God .. and his counterpart Goddess. I can say God bless you to Christians with a clear conscience I am not misleading them. I am not being facetious. I sincerely mean that I hope God – in whatever shape or form they believe in – blesses them.
When I gave an offering to the preacher as a thanks for his time to come and speak at the funeral – I didn’t do it because it is just ‘how it is.’ I did it because he was taking time out of his schedule to come and speak in front of a very wounded and grieving family to bring them peace and comfort. That should not be free. That, my friends, is an energy exchange.
He is using his personal power and energy to bring some comfort to people who are in pain and he should be compensated. Did he do so successfully? He made us all laugh, cry, and reminisce – so yes. He did.
We, as humans, are the ones who put things in boxes. The divine does not. When a Christian speaks about God and a Pagan speaks about God – we are the only ones who think we’re talking about two different beings.
In regards to religion and situations like this – I feel it is important to look from outside the lines we’ve drawn. I can always say “Goddess bless you.” However, I don’t. When speaking with known Christians and when I tell them “I’ll pray for you.” I mean that. I will pray/meditate whatever … it is all the same.
Sometimes when we lose someone we love we forget that life goes on. Sometimes when we lose someone we remember just how petty everything is. And sometimes – when we lose someone very special – we learn to come to terms with things we struggle with because let’s face it … it isn’t a big deal.
Saying you’ll pray for a Christian friend – or saying “God bless you” isn’t a big deal. Lighting a candle and saying a rosary for someone who has passed away – whether you subscribe to it or not – isn’t a big deal. You are just doing what they would have done for you and there is no harm in that.
Whether you believe your loved on will be in the Summerlands, Heaven, or just be a ghost is up to you. I feel anything you believe is true. Anything you subscribe to is YOUR truth. Things you honor are real. Memories are real.
My advice is:
Honor your loved one in whatever way feels right to you. If you are a Baptist and your loved on was Catholic – say a rosary every now and then. If you are Christian and your loved one was Pagan – burn some sage and meditate once in a while.
Nothing you are comfortable with is wrong.
Oath Bound Secrets
I can’t tell you. It’s oath bound.
I have always hated that! As a baby witch I had so many questions. How do you cast a circle? Should I ‘do’ an altar? How do I really know when my item has been blessed or cleansed? How do I bless or cleanse something, anyway?
I understand the need to keep some things private. I am totally open to sharing anything and everything but I never share absolutely everything. Why? Well … it’s simple really.
I will tell anyone absolutely anything about how I practice. I will help them find things they need to cast a spell or a circle but I never tell them the exact words I say. Why? Well … I tend to think that simply reciting words written by someone else and sending the energy out into the universe is kind of like going to see a cover band.
Not following?
Let’s say you call up your witchy friend and say “I’m trying to whip up a spell to bring more positive energy into my life but I am getting stuck.” Your friend says ‘Hey no problem! I have a spell I do and it goes like this ….”
You write it all down, go home, and do everything your friend said. You are basically being a ‘cover band’ and just reciting whatever your friend wrote. While I don’t see a problem with this amongst friends or coven-mates who practice together – I personally – don’t see where any power lies in that.
When witches ask me questions like “How do you cast a circle?” I usually say:
Well I don’t get all Merlin the Wizard when I cast a circle. (which is true) I use very basic non-ceremonial words and actions when casting a circle. BUT – for ‘high’ holidays (Ostara, Litha, Beltane, Samhain, Yule) I am ceremonial. For ‘lesser’ holidays (Imbolc, Lughnasadh, Mabon) I am not ceremonial. My observation of the ‘lesser’ holidays are much simpler.
And just to clarify no one told me there are high/greater or lesser holidays. This is simply how I see things. The holidays I call ‘high’ holidays are the ones that resonate and speak to me. The lesser holidays I don’t feel a connection to. At least right now.
I don’t think basic information should be oath bound. Well unless it is some kind of cop-out and you really don’t have an answer. In that case I would just prefer to be told “I dunno!” instead of hearing “Oh it is oath bound. I can’t tell you.”
I never tell anyone chants said to my goddess. I never tell anyone the words I write for spells UNLESS
- I have written the spell for the purpose of being passed on.
- I work closely with that person.
- I trust the person asking.
These are just my guidelines. I feel that it gives my words more power and energy – and by someone repeating them word-for-word that their intent and words will have LESS power. I don’t do it for myself – I keep this secret for their benefit. This way their words have more power.
Not telling someone herb properties because it is oath bound is (in my opinion) stupid.
Not telling someone the basics or the ‘why’ of circle casting is (in my opinion) stupid.
Telling someone that absolutely everything surrounding your practice is oath bound is … again .. stupid.
There is so much to gain from passing on your knowledge! Not only for yourself, but for the baby witch asking! I think anyone with the interest enough to ask should be given the information with at least a ‘seeker beware’ warning. But – as humans – we have the ability to gauge what a person can, can’t or should NOT handle. You can ‘dumb things down’ to those who just wouldn’t be able to handle what you’re saying.
Even with people I practice with I find myself saying “This might make me sound insane but …” No. I don’t sound insane to THEM. To others – yes I probably would. BUT – if you ask – you’re going to get an answer.
I am very leery of people who say everything they do is oath bound. It makes me think they are just full of shit.
How much should remain secret? Aren’t we past that time in society where we have to keep ourselves secret? I understand in some cultures yes – secrecy is important. But in most Western societies?
Does anyone have any experience with this sort of thing? Am I completely off-base?
Choosing a Patron God or Goddess
Not everyone feels the need to choose a patron God or Goddess. Some, though, feel called to do this. A lot of what I will say in this post will probably not apply to anyone. That’s okay. I feel its never a bad thing to hear information. You don’t have to agree, disagree, adopt or transmute any of it.
In my opinion all religions have ‘characters’ which are all basically the same thing. They all share similar paths but the names have been changed. I choose, to mix and match depending on who identifies with me.
But Jen if they are all the same person why does it matter which ‘name’ you choose to call them?
Well let’s say you have a favorite book. A few years later that book becomes a film. Its named the exact same thing. The characters have the same names, but something is off. Its because the person the producer/directer has chosen to play those characters aren’t how you had pictured these people in your mind’s eye.
That’s how choosing a patron God/Goddess is to me.
Why choose a patron God or Goddess?
I think it gives you focus. It gives you a reason to focus on different aspects that you’d normally not pay attention to.
I devote myself to a different God or Goddess for a minimum of one year. There have been years I have chosen to rededicate myself to the same God or Goddess because I don’t feel my work is done. Its a way of improving aspects of yourself. I try to adapt their vibrations and energies to my life.
For example:
When I was young I pictured my Goddess as a ‘spider hag’. It was an old lady who could take the form of a spider. She was venomous but wouldn’t attack unless provoked (like most wild things.)
Later in life I learned about the Greek Pantheon and happened to put the name Hecate to my goddess. Do I worship the ex-Titan Hecate? Not really. At least I don’t think so – but there are some similarities. I happen to think if the energies of the deity I work with didn’t like me calling her Hecate I would have been corrected by now. Perhaps this Goddess doesn’t have a known name and has just allowed me to call her Hecate because that is simply what is comfortable with me.
Choosing a patron God or Goddess can give you some strength and solace. Its also a good opportunity to expose yourself to different paths that you may not be familiar with. I hope to one day feel comfortable with Oshun and ask her to lend her aspects to my life but the time has not come yet.
Some Goddesses and Gods are more picky than others. You can’t just say in your head “Yep I am now a devotee of Isis” and that be it. That is not it.
You should be able to answer:
- Why are you a devotee of this God/Goddess?
- What characteristics of them do you hope to adapt?
- What kind of daily offerings would they like?
- Am I prepared to pray to and give offerings to this God/Goddess every day?
- Am I willing to accept aspects which I may not think I need?
- How long will I devote myself?
These may seem like stupid questions but there are people who say they are a devotee of a God/Goddess yet have never had a line of communication. Gods and Goddesses will come in your meditations, dreams, while you’re typing a blog. They will present themselves in different ways and its up to you to recognize it.
There are signs. You’ll know them when you see them. Once you have inner confirmation, allow yourself some time to debate. If that God/Goddess is willing to work with you, they want you to be sure its what you want, too!
Who do you work with regularly and why? How did you know they were right for you?
“I think I will Google how to do a spell”
If that thought has crossed your mind, STOP.
You do not need to do an internet search on how to do a spell. There is no right way or any certain way to do any spell. In my opinion, beginner witches shouldn’t be doing spells, honestly. I feel that you need to have a personal relationship with your chosen deities before you start asking for assistance of things. They need to know you’re serious. They need to know you aren’t just going through a ‘phase’ and want to see if you will get what you ask for before you commit.
What is a spell?
Well a spell isn’t something that requires a list of exotic and expensive ingredients. As a matter of fact – I get a bit insulted when I see ‘witchy stores’ offering spell kits. I feel that when it comes to spell casting there should be no convenient alternative. I don’t feel any spell should be offered in a zip loc bag for the low, low price of $19.99. From a business point of view, I can understand why they do it. However, I feel a better alternative would be to offer ‘make your own spell kits’ where a customer can pick a candle, an herb, an oil, piece of parchment, incense, and a crystal. That’s just how I would do it if one day I live my dream of having my own ‘witchy store’.
A spell is simply a prayer. A prayer that has been strengthened with other items. Some spells are as simple as thinking of something really hard – or as elaborate as acquiring crystals, specific herbs, etching a candle, burning a special candle for 7 days … the list is endless. The bottom line is – all spells are a prayer with focused intent.
I heard to do a spell you need x, y, and z.
No. You don’t. Not unless you personally feel you must have those items to strengthen your intent. The more you do yourself for the spell, the more powerful it will be. If you simply punch “love spell’ into a search engine and write everything down word for word, gather the exact things the internet says to gather, do it at the time the internet said to do it – how completely pointless. I imagine that for the God and Goddess hearing spells like this is like going and hearing a really bad cover band.
I can understand becoming stuck while trying to write a spell. It happens! But I personally feel that casting spells should be done once you have a personal relationship with your chosen deities. That is because the human mind is very powerful. The saying “you can do anything you put your mind to” is very true. Anything you put out to the universe can be done. Does it always happen? No. Why? For the same reason that we aren’t all millionaires. The potential is there. Anyone could be a millionaire. Yet we aren’t all millionaires.
Spells are the same. We can all cast spells. Should we? No.
When is the best time to cast a spell?
When you aren’t angry. When you aren’t sad. When you are totally emotionally stable and have meditated on the focus of your spell for at least 48 hours. Why? Well this is to be sure that if your intentions aren’t entirely good that you have time to back out before its too late. Sometimes we think we want things, but all too often we wish we could go back and change it. In my path there is no repentance. You will pay for your mistakes no matter how sorry you are for them. Eye for an eye.
Can’t you only cast spells at certain times of the week/month/moon phase?
Some people think so. There are people who believe that if you want to cast a protection spell it should be done on Thursday night between 8pm and 11pm in the New Moon with a black candle, a mirror, a piece of quarts while burning blue sage. I, however, do not think this.
I think any time you need to cast a spell and you are in control of yourself – do it. I am not entirely comfortable only doing things when I’m told by someone else they need to be done. Sabbats are different. Spells, I feel, are personal. Rituals when done with a group/coven are less personal but still powerful. I have never been part of a group that does spell work together.
I just heard about witchcraft and I want to cast a spell.
Who am I to say you can’t? No one. But I like to tell people “I just heard about heart surgery and I want to do a transplant on you”. It doesn’t work that way with anything else in the universe, so why should it work that way with witchcraft? It shouldn’t. It doesn’t. It won’t.
Try doing a daily devotional for a few months first. Get familiar with what it feels like when you are charged with energy. Get familiar with how to release that energy in a focused way in order to empower your intent.
Have a conversation with your chosen deities every morning when you get up. Tell your deities what you would like to focus on that day (example: let me have patience with co-workers today) and start from there!
Try it!
Assumptions in Paganism
My father has always said
When you assume it makes an ass out of you, not me.
There are so many assumptions in regards to Paganism and spirituality as a whole. All humans like to categorize things. We like things to fit into neat little columns and rows and when we can’t do that we can sometimes get .. well .. pissy.
The worst part about it all is the amount of assumptions I have seen/heard about Pagans BY Pagans! Here is a long list of examples.
“You aren’t a real Pagan because you wear makeup.”
Really? Are you kidding me? Pagans aren’t allowed to wear makeup? Why!? If my heart tells me wearing makeup is somehow wrong, then I won’t wear it. I have no spiritual conflict wearing bright purple eyeliner and multi-colored eye shadow
“You can’t possibly be a real Witch because you don’t wear long flowing skirts and shawls.”
While it is true that some Pagans enjoy wearing a certain style of clothing – we are all individuals. We don’t ALL like it. I love seeing the stereotypical witchy lady – but I don’t feel I can pull that look off. Does that make me less spiritual? Of course it doesn’t! How insane!
“You aren’t vegan?! You’re not a true Pagan.”
Some Pagans choose to be vegan. Others don’t. While many Pagans follow the rule of “An it harm none, do as thou wilt” – (in my opinion) is pretty damn vague. Does that mean only humans? Humans and animals? What about plants? Its very open to interpretation. I do know of non-Pagan vegans who use ketchup on their fries. Unless it clearly states it is vegan … ketchup is flavored with beef. I know of Pagan vegans who use drums during ritual. They’re covered with animal hide! Life is all one huge contradiction – and I’m totally cool with that. But don’t force your views of whatever it is upon me if you, yourself can’t fully accept them!
As a community (whether we’re physically connected or not – we are all the walking, talking, breathing representatives of whatever it is we believe) we should support each other. I know that sounds like ‘tree hugger bullshit’ but its true. There is so much harsh criticism outside our own faiths (ANY faith!) that we shouldn’t meet that kind of judgmental stereotyping within it!
So many years now I have heard how Pagans are so misunderstood and want to be accepted … but time and time again there have been many who have shown me that they can’t even accept each other! How can anyone else except us if our own brothers and sisters can’t?! I think its sad. It really does hurt my heart.
I, for one, do not agree with all aspects of all Pagan paths. I do not, however, judge those who do! Is it not possible for us to follow these steps:
Hear information
Does this work for me (Yes/No)
If Yes – Adapt it! Share it!
If No – Move on. Nothing more to see/hear. Thanks for sharing, though!
My whole point is: don’t assume. To my knowledge there is no total right and wrong. Circumstances make everything in life complicated. What works for A won’t work for B – and there is nothing wrong with that. If you see something wrong with that – that is totally fine! Regardless of how big the group you belong to feels it is wrong – doesn’t make you right! What’s right for me probably won’t be right for you. That’s what makes being a human beautiful! We’re all different. Celebrate it instead of hating, criticizing, demeaning, assuming, and putting other negativity into it.
Here is a great exercise:
Make friends with someone who has totally opposing views to your own. Give them a chance to break any stereotypes you might have about them. Maybe you already have a friend like that. Ask what kinds of things they assume about people who present themselves with some kind of difference in religion/politics/sexuality/race/economic standing.
I think everyone should meditate on who they are. Are you being true to your spirit? What can you do differently to improve? Have you improved in some way? Are you guilty of rampant assumptions? Let’s talk about it.
Use What You Need
That small statement bothers me. It bothers me to no end!
When I really started getting serious about my spirituality I was told by the majority to “only use what is needed.” But what’s really needed?
I get insulted when someone’s idea of what’s needed is forced upon me. To be totally honest, nothing physical is ‘needed’ for spell work – or anything regarding religion as a whole.
Some mentors have people disassemble their altars, and some get really upset when asked to do this. I think its a good exercise in order for individuals to decide exactly what it is they feel they need. Its a good way to (pardon my language) clear the bullshit and get down to the real deal. Some, over time, accumulate a lot of things that do not serve them. Magical Hoarders, if you will.
Personally, I feel my spiritual path is beyond just need. It is a representation of my spirit. Do I need incense? No. I like it!
Many items on my altar are there because I feel I need them. There are even some items not present that others say are ‘needed’. I have a censer which is about to be replaced by just a cauldron. I have a chalice which was replaced by a bowl.
I prefer to tell people:
You need whatever you feel you need.
How do you know what you need until you’ve had it? For example: I have absolutely no use for a chalice. I have one on my altar, but its very small and it doesn’t get used. I have a small crystal bowl which I keep charged salt, Goddess (rain) water, and a stone of some kind which represents what it is I hope to ‘evaporate’ into my space. Though the stone, of course, never evaporates – I like to visualize that the stone is also charging its properties into the water which I use to bless myself, the area – and by the act of evaporation – blesses my whole house.
My advice:
Obtain any tool your spirit thinks you need. If it turns out you have no use for it – hang on to that tool! A young Pagan’s spirit may be calling out for that tool and you may cross paths! I try to pass my unused or replaced tools down to someone else.
Witch-cycling. Its like recycling, but for witches!
Public Pagans
Some are very fearful of being publicly open with their choice of religion. Many think they will automatically be judged and take a defensive stance. I haven’t had this experience – and neither has the woman in the video I will be posting below.
The only way to improve public perception of the Pagan community is to be public. There will be the odd ‘baddie’ who will just try to get a rise out of you.
I share many (if not all) of what this woman says, and feel it is very good advise for everyone in the Pagan community.
Starting A Book of Shadows
Most Pagan traditions have a personal book with things you have learned written into that book. Some paths have strict guidelines as to what goes into the book, who can read the entries, yadda yadda.
This is what I think.
It does not have to be called a Book of Shadows. However, it may be easier to relate what the item is to someone else if you use the same terminology. Call it “My Magical Book of Sparkling Unicorns”. Call it “The Fonz”. It doesn’t matter!
I don’t feel that every single thing you’ve learned/read/heard should be put in your personal book. Things you feel are important that you may forget should certainly be put into your book. You don’t need a big 4 chapters to explain (essentially to yourself) what your path is and what you believe.
I feel that a 3 ring binder with printed pages is just fine. Its easy to replace pages – and it is sometimes easier to read than your own handwriting! Some people are not very artistically gifted and would therefore prefer to print out pretty pages to make their personal book feel more elegant. Should they feel bad for this? No!
My first book was a leather-bound journal. The 200 or so pages in it could not be replaced. I could not add to the book. I decided that I wanted to decorate some pages – but was then unhappy with the outcome. Then came the gut wrenching activity of tearing pages out. That was so painful! I had probably 5 of these journals in a book shelf and thought “Wow what a waste.” All that time I could have combined everything into one big binder and have been able to add or subtract as time went on.
When actually doing spells I feel those should be hand written. But your book? I don’t feel that is necessary. Mostly because it is only meant to be used for reference and possibly teaching someone else. However – if they only learned from a book what would they need you for?
Where should you begin?
Begin by having an idea what you want your book to look like. Craft stores have come a long way – so get creative! And if in a couple years’ time you don’t like how it looks don’t worry! You can get a new binder and start all over! That is the great thing about using a binder as your personal book rather than a bound journal. As people we grow all the time. Our tastes in all thins change. My first book looked more like a weird interpretation of a Necronomicon than anything else! Why? Because I was about 15 and I thought that was how it should look.
Here is a video done by a British Lady with quite a posh accent. She shows her Book of Shadows done in a binder form. Maybe it will give you ideas.
“I think I will Google how to do a spell”
If that thought has crossed your mind, STOP.
You do not need to do an internet search on how to do a spell. There is no right way or any certain way to do any spell. In my opinion, beginner witches shouldn’t be doing spells, honestly. I feel that you need to have a personal relationship with your chosen deities before you start asking for assistance of things. They need to know you’re serious. They need to know you aren’t just going through a ‘phase’ and want to see if you will get what you ask for before you commit.
What is a spell?
Well a spell isn’t something that requires a list of exotic and expensive ingredients. As a matter of fact – I get a bit insulted when I see ‘witchy stores’ offering spell kits. I feel that when it comes to spell casting there should be no convenient alternative. I don’t feel any spell should be offered in a zip loc bag for the low, low price of $19.99. From a business point of view, I can understand why they do it. However, I feel a better alternative would be to offer ‘make your own spell kits’ where a customer can pick a candle, an herb, an oil, piece of parchment, incense, and a crystal. That’s just how I would do it if one day I live my dream of having my own ‘witchy store’.
A spell is simply a prayer. A prayer that has been strengthened with other items. Some spells are as simple as thinking of something really hard – or as elaborate as acquiring crystals, specific herbs, etching a candle, burning a special candle for 7 days … the list is endless. The bottom line is – all spells are a prayer with focused intent.
I heard to do a spell you need x, y, and z.
No. You don’t. Not unless you personally feel you must have those items to strengthen your intent. The more you do yourself for the spell, the more powerful it will be. If you simply punch “love spell’ into a search engine and write everything down word for word, gather the exact things the internet says to gather, do it at the time the internet said to do it – how completely pointless. I imagine that for the God and Goddess hearing spells like this is like going and hearing a really bad cover band.
I can understand becoming stuck while trying to write a spell. It happens! But I personally feel that casting spells should be done once you have a personal relationship with your chosen deities. That is because the human mind is very powerful. The saying “you can do anything you put your mind to” is very true. Anything you put out to the universe can be done. Does it always happen? No. Why? For the same reason that we aren’t all millionaires. The potential is there. Anyone could be a millionaire. Yet we aren’t all millionaires.
Spells are the same. We can all cast spells. Should we? No.
When is the best time to cast a spell?
When you aren’t angry. When you aren’t sad. When you are totally emotionally stable and have meditated on the focus of your spell for at least 48 hours. Why? Well this is to be sure that if your intentions aren’t entirely good that you have time to back out before its too late. Sometimes we think we want things, but all too often we wish we could go back and change it. In my path there is no repentance. You will pay for your mistakes no matter how sorry you are for them. Eye for an eye.
Can’t you only cast spells at certain times of the week/month/moon phase?
Some people think so. There are people who believe that if you want to cast a protection spell it should be done on Thursday night between 8pm and 11pm in the New Moon with a black candle, a mirror, a piece of quarts while burning blue sage. I, however, do not think this.
I think any time you need to cast a spell and you are in control of yourself – do it. I am not entirely comfortable only doing things when I’m told by someone else they need to be done. Sabbats are different. Spells, I feel, are personal. Rituals when done with a group/coven are less personal but still powerful. I have never been part of a group that does spell work together.
I just heard about witchcraft and I want to cast a spell.
Who am I to say you can’t? No one. But I like to tell people “I just heard about heart surgery and I want to do a transplant on you”. It doesn’t work that way with anything else in the universe, so why should it work that way with witchcraft? It shouldn’t. It doesn’t. It won’t.
Try doing a daily devotional for a few months first. Get familiar with what it feels like when you are charged with energy. Get familiar with how to release that energy in a focused way in order to empower your intent.
Have a conversation with your chosen deities every morning when you get up. Tell your deities what you would like to focus on that day (example: let me have patience with co-workers today) and start from there!
Try it!
TotallyPagan 